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The current period signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {